The Labour of Love
It has taken me years to come to terms with one of the most obvious truths about intimate relationships: that there is labour in love.
We have all heard that you can’t change a person, and that loving someone is accepting them as they are. These ideals sound great in theory, but let’s face it, none of us actually practices this with others or even ourselves.
Mastering Maturity: 6 Keys to finding your inner Adult
In our culture women are not encouraged to be in their authentic, mature feminine self. Most of us don’t even know what that would feel like. Yet it is possible stand in your natural power, and be the adult in your own life.
Being a mature feminine woman is heady stuff, and not for the faint-hearted. It takes some growing up, and being accountable. The upside is, it brings you more freedom in your relationships, more choices, and the capacity to feel a lot more joy. So how do you get there?
Moving on from Unrequited Love
For over a decade I did all the things I could think of, to attract and be with a romantic match. I did the work on myself- loads of it, deep work. I went to workshops on sensuality, I took up Tantra, I meditated, I cleared out my old relationships, I owned what was mine and looked at, and I mean really looked at it.
I recognised I was attracted to the dance of unrequited love.
Stop Apologising: What those of us living with chronic illness need to remember
It’s time to talk about it.
Like millions of women living with chronic illness and invisible illness, I’ve had to navigate not only the physical condition, treatment, drugs and side effects, but also the really hard stuff. Like trying to manage my career, deflecting the unhelpful ‘helpful advice’, creating some badass boundaries in all my relationships. Plus the heartbreaking stuff like missing my best friend’s wedding.
So what do you do with all these feelings and circumstances? How do you find a way through?
The Story of Women and Power
Sometimes the biggest issue I think I have is ‘managing’ everyone else’s feelings. Somehow I ended up with this life-long feeling I am not only responsible for how everyone around me feels, but also for ‘fixing’ it and getting them back to feeling happy. And let’s make no mistake about it, society and in turn plenty of people in my life encouraged this belief and pattern.
So how does this change??
The Power of Ritual
On Monday, my beloved and I held a Soul Love Ritual where we consciously committed to go deeper with each other in our relationship and we symbolised this by the ‘traditional’ wearing of rings. It was beautiful, raw, real and we both glowed as the new energy swirled in.
I want to share with you how we consciously closed out the old patterns, hurts and assumptions about each other before we moved into the new commitment.
You can use the process we designed for anything you want to consciously release in your own life.
Never make a man feel uncomfortable and other useless advice
Power dynamics in relationships has been a hot topic for my clients. In particular, women have been describing what I call ‘the command’, where a man instructs a woman about what she should be doing. I know for myself, this immediately shuts down my body and my heart. And it is difficult to transition from these interactions into more sensual and sexual spaces. So, what is going on here between men and women in romantic relationships?
Give yourself permission to ask for what you want
There are times in all our relationships, personal and professional, where things build up. Unmet needs or overbearing demands congeal into resentments, and we can get overwhelmed. I have noticed that the first indication that things are building up, is that I start to complain a lot to my friends and beloved. I complain about how other people are not doing what I think they should, or are deliberately thwarting my happiness!
Chasing More - the Anxiety Spiral
We often think about where we want to be – the next career move, next apartment, next loving romantic partner or the next time we fit into a size 10 dress. Once we get there, then things will be fine, ‘I will be less anxious, less stressed and much more relaxed!’
Anytime we reach a goal, sure, we may have momentary euphoria, but the anxiety quickly creeps back in. Why?
Why healthy relationships demand all your messiness
Over the last couple of months I have fallen in love with a generous, intelligent man who knows his own emotional depth. Some of the fabulous aspects of romantic relationships are the opportunities to be seen and held in all your moods, wisdom, vulnerability and let’s face it at times – crazy. And that’s a good thing right?
Treats and Tantrums: Is your inner child running your life?
I like to think of myself as a mature adult. However, I know I make decisions and have reactions that are shall we say, are not the most mature option available.
I have come to understand how all too frequently it is either my inner child or inner teenager actually ‘running’ parts of my life like my dating and relating, or my finances.
The world does not need more frantic women
For the last couple of months, I have driven myself crazy creating relentless promotion and event deadlines (not to mention cash outlays).
Does this sound familiar?
A list of things you just have to do before you can relax. Before you can let go and put anything down you just need someone to…? You just need to achieve…?