Never make a man uncomfortable, and other useless advice

May 07, 2021

Over the last month, power dynamics in relationships has been a hot topic for my clients. In particular, women have been describing what I call ‘the command’, where a man instructs a woman about what she should be doing. I know for myself, this immediately shuts down my body and my heart. And it is difficult to transition from these interactions into more sensual and sexual spaces. So, what is going on here between men and women in romantic relationships?

Let’s talk about The Command

Often the command is not so much about the words but the tone. “Could you move please” is not a polite request, but instead has an insistent and aggressive tone. In my own relationship, I find this dynamic can come up around a physical task.

Recently my beloved and I hired bicycles. As we started to mount up, I felt he was instructing me about what I should be doing, rather than sharing helpful information. He was definitely in his command tone. Let’s talk about my...

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Why healthy relationships demand all your messiness

May 07, 2021

Over the last couple of months I have fallen in love with a generous, intelligent man who knows his own emotional depth. Some of the fabulous aspects of romantic relationships are the opportunities to be seen and held in all your moods, wisdom, vulnerability and let’s face it at times – crazy. And that’s a good thing right?

Knowing your own messiness

Most of us did not have great relationship role models growing up. My first romantic relationships were probably a lot like yours, filled with excitement or more accurately what I would now call high drama! I showed up to relationships with a whole lot of unmet childhood needs, masquerading as high expectations of how romantic love could fill me up. I wanted the other person to embrace and love all the parts of myself I found difficult to bear. And they wanted me to do the same.

In the end life teaches us all, that our stuff… is actually OUR stuff!

Over the last decade I have learned to...

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Treats and Tantrums: Is your inner child running your life?

May 07, 2021

I like to think of myself as a mature adult. However, I know I make decisions and have reactions that are shall we say, are not the most mature option available.

I have come to understand how all too frequently it is either my inner child or inner teenager actually ‘running’ parts of my life like my dating and relating, or my finances. 

Play and fun

Of course the smaller voices, the vulnerable as well as joyous, playful parts of the child are present within all of us. There is great beauty in the innocence and even some of the scheming of the inner teenager who really just wants to have fun!

I don’t want to stifle these parts of myself, but I do want to know they are not making critical decisions in my life. Therefore, it is useful to have some awareness and discernment of when they have the ‘wheel’ steering my life at any moment. Otherwise, a crash is usually just around the corner no matter how much hooning along my child or teenage parts think...

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Podcast: From Lover to Co-worker – how to stay sane working from home together

May 03, 2021
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Michelle Irving
Podcast: From Lover to Co-worker – how to stay sane working from home together
28:34
 

 

From Lover to Co-worker - how to stay sane working from home together

If your Lover is now your coworker, this episode gives you insights on how you can make agreements that will make home life more harmonious.

One of the podcast's most popular guests Authentic Relationships expert returns to The CC Podcast Covid 19 Series to discuss all things working from home with your partner.

 

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Podcast: Are you acting like a child or a teenager? Learn to be your Mature Self.

May 03, 2021
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Michelle Irving
Podcast: Are you acting like a child or a teenager? Learn to be your Mature Self.
1:03:11
 

Learn to be your Mature Self

Alice Agenello, podcast host of Kids Are Grown, Now What? interviews Michelle about intimate relationships.

How do you have mature, healthy relationships and stop the spiral of having the same fight over and over? Your complaints often mask your desires. So one of the strategies is to say what you need and ask for what you want. 

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Podcast: Authentic Relationships

May 03, 2021
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Michelle Irving
Podcast: Authentic Relationships
1:09:45
 

 

Authentic Relationships

Is your inner child or inner teenager running your dating and relating? 

In this Conscious Conversations podcast with host Kasia Kowalewski Michelle talks all things Dating and Relating 101. Plus the difference between having expectations of friends, partners and work colleagues and how making agreements which lead to a much more positive outcome for everyone. 

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The Labour of Love

Apr 05, 2021

It has taken me years to come to terms with one of the most obvious truths about intimate relationships: that there is labour in love.

We have all heard that you can’t change a person, and that loving someone is accepting them as they are. These ideals sound great in theory, but let’s face it, none of us actually practices this with others or even ourselves.

Perhaps like me, you added some fine print:

I accept you wholeheartedly, except when you do precisely the thing that annoys me the most, after I have very patiently explained a hundred times how you should do it differently”.

And therein lies the rub: it’s easy to love others when your loved one is being adorable and reasonable, tenderly loving you back. But there is grit to intimacy, the constant dance of ease and challenge, of opening and closing your heart, of feeling generous of spirit sometimes and at others downright miserly towards them.

Despite the idealism of romantic love, this is exactly...

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